Addiction & Suffering

 

I have worked in the field of Addiction and Recovery for many years and have had the opportunity to learn from clients and peers as well as supervisors and other teachers. My experiences, personal spiritual practice, and what I have observed in the world, have led me to understand that all addiction is, first and foremost, an addiction to suffering.  Whenever I’ve mentioned this concept I have received mixed reviews. Some have firmly believed in the truth of this idea, while others have been unable, or unwilling, to see the two as connected. I interpret this as a misunderstanding of the meaning of suffering. Usually it has been the people who view addiction from a purely bio-physical mindset who have the most difficulty with this idea.

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The first of the Twelve Steps of AA is “I have come to believe that I am powerless over my addiction”. For many people in recovery this understanding has freed them from the guilt of the choices they made while under the influence of their drug of choice or addictive behavior. It is necessary in early recovery to move beyond this guilt by realizing that to carry it forward will undeniably have an adverse effect upon one’s efforts to find a new way of life.

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We humans seem to be “hard-wired” in our desire to alter our consciousness. From that first basket of grains which the conditions of our ancestors caused to ferment, we have searched for substances and activities that would move us from a normal state of consciousness (NSC), one in which we feel separate and alone, to one that allows us to view our experience from a different perspective where we are part of a greater whole, accepted, understood, and loved unconditionally. Over the millennia we have found and created many of these pathways to an altered state of consciousness. Drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, shopping, pornography, violence, junk food, drama… and many other things will allow us to shift out of our NSC.

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We are caught up in a faulty belief in separation. We believe we are separate from each other, our environment, and God, and ironically the very things that we do to try to overcome this separation are the very things that serve to keep us separate. Often times when participating in these activities we deny that what is truly in our hearts is a desire to unite with those around us; to feel beautiful, loved, wanted, happy, pain free, bigger, brighter, and somehow better than we are able to believe ourselves to be.

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From a separative worldview we are unable to see how our choices impact life outside of our immediate experience. We do not have to feel guilt, loneliness, fear, or the effects of those asuras (bad thoughts) Too Much or Too Little. We believe that if we are able to stay in our limited and self-contained world of separation then we will be immune to the challenges and struggles of life. We begin to believe that by engaging in those activities where we can indulge our desire to lay responsibility aside, we will be happier and safer from all that is outside of our protective skin bag of muscles and bones.

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Unfortunately, the opposite is true. The more firmly we deny our interdependence with creation, and the more steadfastly we attempt to demonstrate our imagined independence, the more dependent we become. Every addict I have ever known becomes increasingly dependent as time goes by, but because of the damage to their relationships, their mind, their bodies, and their entire life in general, they find themselves cold, sick, hungry, and very much alone.

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There is a word for illusion that holds a greater connotation. This word is maya and it is a Sanskrit word which means that although there is only God manifesting in many forms, inherent within life the manifestations appear so real that they keep us from recognizing the Oneness of God. We keep looking around outside of ourselves for confirmation that God is here, and this “looking” veils Reality from our perception. In the Durga Sapta Sloki of the Chandi Path there is a verse which says:

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Jnaaninaamapi cetaamsi Devi bhagavati hi SA

Baladakrsya mohaya mahamaya parachute

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It is translated by Swamiji (Swami Satyananda Saraswati) as “She, this Supreme Goddess, the Great Measurement of Consciousness, attracts the perceiving capacity of all sensible beings with such force as to thrust them into the ignorance of egotistic attachment.”

When I asked Swamiji what is meant by this he replied, “Every perception of any individual phenomenon, gives rise to the sense of difference or distinction between the perceiver and the perceived.” "I think, therefore I am."

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So as soon as She, the Divine Mother, draws our attention to the separate objects of Maya, immediately we think ourselves to be different from those things, and our attachment to this idea of difference thrusts everyone into ignorance, negating the reality of the unity of consciousness.

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At first, reading this seems relatively simple to understand. However, as we move deeper into the teaching we start to realize that whenever we perceive something as “not I” we have moved into maya. If we recognize terrible things happening all around us, we must learn to recognize that these terrible things are happening within the totality of our Self as well. And even though we may not personally rob banks or harm others, because we are seeing this in our experience there is some part of our personal consciousness that makes this okay in the world.

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This is a huge lump to swallow for most of us. I’m not saying that we are responsible for the choices people make in their lives and the suffering which is perpetuated upon innocent victims each moment, but I am saying that if we are to truly believe that there is One Life, One Mind, One God, and One Ultimate Reality, we must begin to realize that we are part of that One; that even those actions which seemingly have no connection to our personal activities and beliefs are somehow allowed to take place within us on levels we may not be aware of.

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I read once that there is no such thing as a bystander. If you are acted upon you are a victim, and if you are the actor, or you stand by and allow the action to occur without helping the victim in some way, you are in concert with the perpetrator. We want to believe it is an option to call ourselves a bystander, thus absolving us of the need to do anything. This option is a myth. We can align ourselves with the victim, and work to create change in the culture that would allow such a thing to occur or do nothing and align ourselves with the perpetrator simply by our unwillingness to get involved, either way we are taking sides. Remember, we are One, there is no other choice.

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Even when we see how our actions contribute to our suffering, we continue to engage in them.  We hope that the next time will bring us to the joyful and happy experience we are seeking.  If we define addiction as “continuing to … in spite of negative consequences” we must ask ourselves why we keep doing the things that are obviously not making us happy and are creating suffering on so many levels.  We keep doing the same things all the while expecting a different outcome.  Our habits take over our lives, and we continue to engage in our suffering. Often, when we recognize how our actions are resulting in our discomfort, and we make strides to choose differently, we find that the minute we let down our guard we are back doing the same addictive behavior, hurting ourselves once again. 

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Just like the young woman who takes a razor and cuts herself in order to “feel” something, we keep doing our addictive behaviors.  We keep looking to God to show us a different life in order that we might believe we are connected.  Our habits that cause our suffering are a way in which we are asking God to “prove” that we are One, and part of the wholeness of Life.  “If I were truly loved, and beautiful, and wanted then God wouldn’t let anything bad happen to me.  One more drink, bet, sexual encounter, or purchase will certainly be THE ONE and I would never again feel the pain of separation, unhappiness, or loneliness.” 

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The only way to end our addictive behavior, once and for all, is to come to the realization that we are already whole, perfect, and complete; needing nothing outside of ourselves we know that we are One with God.